Blind Violence
by LawShinimegami
Summary: It feels like he'll always be blind to me...Now I'm never even going to have him back! ...And love turns to hate turns to anger turns to...death...
1. Points of Autority

**Author's notes and/or rants. xD:**

**This is a one-shot songfic about Duo's relationship with Heero, after the war. If you want to look into it, it could be seen as a partnership, as in a couple, but I wrote this, when I was twelve, to explain their twisted friendship after the war. I'm fifteen, and I've changed nothing in it ; So bare that in mind when you review.**

**I'm not Duo or Heero-bashing. This is a total work of fiction inspired by Linkin Park's 'Points of Autority'. But, in fanfics, Heero always seems 'cured' of his old ways, of his Perfect Solider teachings, straight after the war, and I don't think it would be that way. I liked the thought, for this particular fanfic, of him still being him, and this reflecting in his behavouir. I may write a one-shot fic about his inner termoil through this, it may even become another songfic if I can get the right lyrics.**

**What else to say...? Well, I don't own the lyrics or the Gundam characters. It's written in first person and the past, by Duo, and I think it's him looking back, whilst listening to this song. God knows, I may even write a 'fic from Quatre's POV, when Duo comes to him... Just keep an eye out.**

**Please review. ; I need inspiration and encouragement. I've spent so much time roleplaying (often not even Gundam, le gasp!) that I haven't written a fanfic in months, maybe even a year.**

**Oh, and, if this is hard to read, it's because I haven't mastered fanfic HTML. I can do Neo-HTML fine, but... when I do master it, I'll be writing and rewriting more fics. If anyone wants to educate me on the HTML here, espically paragraphs and italics, please email me at- (Any HTML used is experimental right now.)**

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_Yo, yo._

_Forfit the game before somebody else takes you out of the frame,_

_Put your name to shame_

_Cover up your face_

_You can't run the race _

_The pace it too fast, you just won't last._

After the war, everyone settled down. Because of the partnerships formed during the war, I got stuck with Heero. I didn't mind. We were buds. Bestest buds. But...after the war, he got...weird. Not...weird on me, trying to get close or whatever, but weird weird.

_You love the way I look at you _

_While taking pleasure in the awful things you put me through _

_You take away _

_If I give in_

_My life, _

_My pride is broken._

He would watch me a lot. Just to see me breaking. He loved that. He loved my eyes- Loved watching them change from happy to sad, I know my eyes tell a lot about me. I hated the abuse. He would make me pretend to like it, to want it...Like some faithful dog I came back everytime. Quatre knew. Quatre also knew to keep quiet. Not because of me- I wasn't the one threatening to punch him, that was Heero. Everytime it got too much, I would run to Quatre, and he would tell me again to phone the police. I never did. Feels stupid now, wishing I had. It's not like I didn't have evidence. He would...verbally torture me, telling me I wasn't good enough. He left me as an empty shell. A few months of that...that not being good enough, that critsism would leave anyone like that.. I think I did something wrong. I mean, something had to start it up, right?

_You like to think you're never wrong _

_You have to act like you're someone _

_You want someone to hurt like you _

_You wanna share what you've been through _

_You live what you do_

Even after the war he acted like the perfect soldier. He was a body guard, so he kept in his role. The only problem with that is he stayed in the role after work, too. Maybe that's what drew him to this consistent bullying. Yeah, I'm used to being called a 'baka' but...sometimes it hurts. Actually, it hurts a lot. I never let it on before. Somewhere inside me I'm shy, and just...afraid. I'm afraid a lot now, I cower. He liked that. Laughed at it. It wasn't funny. Fear gripped me with an iron claw and refused to let go, even after the blow had come. I think he found that the funniest.

_You love the things I say I do _

_The way I hurt myself again just to get back at you _

_You take away _

_When I give in _

_My life, my pride is broken_

He would really annoy me. He knew it too. In public he would embarrass me...When we got home, I would threaten him with so many things...so many things I could do to myself...so many things I did do, displaying the scars proudly the next morning though there is no pride in it. He liked hearing how I did it. First time it was an accident. He didn't know it was though. I pretended I knew what I was doing all along. I think it gave him a great feeling of power to see what I did to myself because of him. Like I was his puppet, all along- '"Next time, Maxwell, do it down. They can't sew that back up, baka."' I'd nod, or sometimes agree verbally- '"...Yes, Heero."'

_You like to think you're never wrong _

_You have to act like you're someone _

_You want someone to hurt like you _

_You wanna share what you've been through _

_You live what you do_

I think he tried to pass on his hate. Onto me maybe, or maybe just onto his surrondings. Maybe I got in the way. Yeah, I know he's been through hell and back but...so have I. We all have. No need for him to get so bent out of shape just because his past hasn't been perfect. Nobody has a perfect life. No-one expects to. Just because he is the 'Perfect Soldier', it doesn't mean...Anything.

He's gonna kill me one day. I know it. He's gonna take that gun...and shot me. Like he should of done all those years back in the war. Maybe he still thinks I should be destroyed. Maybe I'm still worthless. Maybe...maybe he's the only one who makes me feel this way. Maybe I'm losing my faveourite game. Of being the God of Death. Maybe he should be that instead of the angel of death.

_Forfit the game before somebody else takes you out of the frame put your name to shame cover up your face you can't run the race the pace is too fast, you just won't last won't last won't last won't last won't last etc._

He's running so fast I can't keep up. He runs us all in circles. And we all foolishly chase after him. We're all idiots, he's right to call us that. I kneel to him now, bow before this...power he has, a power to constently...just be Heero. I hate him. I. Hate. Him. I HATE HIM!

Owari

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**Author debrief- I purposely used a lack of Japanese in here, because it's overused. Duo's AMERICAN, not Japanese. I did have a point, before I edited the text (when I was younger) where Heero forced him to use Japanese, but I thought that was a bit odd and pathetic. I used...baka, which is obviously idiot, once, and I used it in quotes, because Duo wouldn't use that word unless it was a quote. I dislike fanfics or people who use partical Japanese- Only Heero is Japanese, and he would either speak all or none, not half and half. Besides, writen Japanese is symbols, not words.**

**I'm not having a dig xD I'm just explaining the amazing lack of random Japanese. It would be like me putting random German in the middle of an English essay- Pointless, even if the translated sentence fit into the text perfectly.**

**Alright, so...review. And feel free to argue or pick up any points in the fic, because I will change anything...wrong. Unless it's my opinion, which is mine, and you can argue with. ;**

**...Man, I'm testy today...**


	2. Pushing Me Away

**Author's notes and/or rants. xD:**

**Alright.**

**I said it was one-shot.**

**I LIED!**

**xD**

**So, this is the follow-up or extra chapter of 'Points of Autority'. I've added it as a chapter because I don't think it could be a stand-alone 'fic, I think you'd have to read Duo's side of the story to fully understand. Oh, I've changed it to a PG because of the meantions of violence in this chapter, and the title may shift yet again. Sorry. xD**

**This one does have meantions of shounen ai, but it's one-sided: It's about Heero's love for Duo, and the fact he feels Duo will never return it. Now, take from this whatever you like- Look as deep as you like to see if Duo feels the same way back, look into it to find anything...that you want. The idea's basic, but you can let your mind run wild.**

**This one is set to the lyrics of another Linkin Park song, Pushing Me Away, which I love. There's some things you may find out of context with HEERO- but think Duo and you'll understand.**

**I don't own the lyrics, sadly, or the Gundam Wing characters.**

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_When I look into your eyes_

_There's nothing there to see_

_Nothing but my own mistake_

_Staring back at me..._

...I loved his eyes.

Those violet orbs of joy, of happiness...

Of something I just couldn't have.

Oh, I admit I was jelelous. Not only that, but I admit I loved seeing the happiness, that consistent spark that he had, disapper into fear, a dark thing that was like an empty pit in suddenly glazed eyes, as I loomed over him, a sudden raincloud on his bright day...

I watched it go away. I watched my mistake become his exsistence, his fear twinging in closed eyelids- They opened to show eyes as emotionless as the pale flaps of skin themseleves.

This joy was the first thing to leave him.

_I've lied, to you..._

_This is the last smile_

_That I'll fake for the sake of being with you..._

I wanted to be with him so much during the war. I didn't smile, because I couldn't, but if I could have...I would have...To just make him glad. But I can't. I couldn't. So I dealt with my problem(1) the only way I could.

I hurt him.

_Everything falls apart, even the people who never frown eventually break down_

_Everything has to end, you'll soon find we're out of time to make it all unwind_

_Everything falls apart, even the people who never frown eventually break down_

_The sacrific is never knowing_

_Why I stayed with you_

_Just push away_

_No matter what you see_

_You're still so blind to me_

He was blind to my feelings all the time. I tried so hard to show it without telling him, tried so hard... But he seemed to not know, or to not want to know! So I hid my feelings, and showed him love by hurting him...

And I'm not even too sure how that works! I know...I cared when I hurt him...And I could almost step outside myself, and it was watching someone else hurt him, and inside I cried as my hand hit down on him, as I splashed scolding water onto him. And all that time I loved him, and cared for him, and so desperately wanted him...

But why would he want me? ...He wouldn't.

_I've tried,_

_like you_

_to do everything you wanted to_

_This is the last time_

_I'll take the blame for the sake of being with you_

I'd do anything to keep him with me. Anything. And when that violence started and wouldn't stop, I knew the only way to keep him there, to keep him with me, was to actually keep hurting him, threaten him with more beatings. And when this worked...Well, it was like a drug. I was addicted to him, addicted to keeping him near me...

I couldn't just let him leave me after so long, but no-one else would understand. I couldn't explain myself, so everyone assumed insanity on my part, some broken solider still searching for a place...I'd found a place, a person, a home... But the place seemed so bare, even filled with furniture, the person would leave me if I didn't clutch him, and the home was just a house, a shell of a living area where I wasn't living- I was dying, and dragging down Duo with me in my desperation!

_Everything falls apart, even the people who never frown eventually break down_

_The sacrifice of hiding in a lie_

_Everything has to end, you'll soon find we're out of time to make it all unwind_

_The sacrifice is never knowing_

_Why I stayed with you_

_Just push away_

_No matter what you see_

_you're still so blind to me_

I wish I could take back time. Explain myself to him, ask him to be with me, work it out before he ran away one last time, before he left me one last time, and I was too exhausted to actually work out how to get him back. Maybe I hoped if he went away for a while, he'd come back and somehow he'd see me, and I'd stop trying to keep him with violence alone, and love would be more then a punch, it would be hugs and safety...

_Reverse psychologic's_

_failing misrabley_

_It's so hard to be left all alone_

_Telling you is the only chance for me_

_There's nothing left but to turn and face you_

I don't like being alone. The house is cold and bare and I sometimes hear him. I always hear my heart beating. It's empty and hollow, and this mental anguish turns into very real pain. I'm letting myself die now, letting my system close down, withdraw...But I wouldn't call it killing myself. More like giving in. Without him, I may as well not exsist.

My skin grows sallow, gray, and I watch with wonder as I seem to age by ten years, lose ten pounds, and fade like some leaf, depressed with the months' quickness, and yearning for bud. Except I'm a person- or at least I think I am- and I'm depressed by Duo's blindness to me, and I'm yearning for him, pining for him like some pathetic dog, whining for a distant master...

_When I look into your eyes_

_There's nothing there to see_

_Nothing but my own mistake_

_Staring back at me..._

_Asking why?_

I did see him asking me. Heard him too, in the first weeks. But then he simply was quiet. Withdrawn. Loved turned to hate for this new Duo, and this hate turned into anger at him for letting himself become this, for not trying to stop me anymore.

Then...hate for him, anger for him, turned into hate and anger for myself, the evil thing I had become, twisted like something vile. But, by the time I realized this, and the haze of lust and desire had cleared, Duo was gone and I was alone, withering away like some dying creature, leaving only bone and fossil for the world to gaze on.

_The sacrifice of hiding in a lie_

_The sacrifice is never knowing_

_Why I stayed with you_

_Just push away_

_No matter what you see_

_You're still so blind to me_

_Why I stayed with you_

_Just push away_

_No matter what you see_

_You're still so blind to me..._

It feels like he'll always be blind to me...Now I'm never even going to have him back! ...And love turns to hate turns to anger turns to...death...

Owari

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**Did Heero die! -Le gasp.-**

**Well. There's never going to be an answer, so I'll leave you to figure that out. Or will there be...?**

**Theone (1) means I want to explain! Heh.**

**The 'problem' is his love for Duo- Being the Perfect Solider, he was taught love was unimportant, even wrong, so he'd consider it a problem, and was using that to explain himself. The problem was not him loving another male. xD**

**Okay, so...Read and review! I will be writing a piece on Quatre's feelings, but it may not be a songfic- He's not so much a part of this as Heero and Duo, but I'd like there to be explanation on what happened when Duo ran away, and what Duo confided him.**

**In the review, not only could you review, but could you please say if you'd like there to be a follow up to this, of Heero and Duo meeting somehow? Because I'm not sure if doing one would ruin it- If I did one, it wouldn't be another chapter, but a fanfic in itself, and maybe a stand alone one, depending if I can make it work. But I have a feeling it would be rather long, unlike these.**

**So, read and review, please! -Flutters eyelashes.-**


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